Farewell Filipinas, for now...

Uf, I get a nod in my stomach just from writing the title. It has been two weeks since I left the Philippines and I haven’t found the time or the energy to say goodbye. At least good bye for now. The scar of the jellyfish is still fresh on my foot. I close my eyes and see my friends, the people I grew to love. I smell the rain, the dust, and the pollution in Manila. I even smell the fear, the anger, and the indifference.

Despite my initial worries, my initial writings, the Philippines, Manila, ended up embracing, touching me. I have been touched by people who have looked after me, who have disliked me, who have mistrusted me, who have admired me, who have let me down, who have loved me. All in the same piece and in thousands more. The Philippines has helped me get closer to learning to search the truth, and at the same time it has taught me that the truth is never simple, that movements are never finished, that people are never perfect, that heroes also cry, fear, hate, and fail. The Philippines, by showing me its beauty and its misery, its color and its brightness, has taught me that I also do carry all those things, that I can take my dreams seriously, that I don’t need to look at history from outside. No one does. We belong here.

One day I allowed myself to get lost in one of the million streets of Manila’s heart. Where friendship saves lives and witnesses death. Where commitment is forever. Where so many things go unsaid but so many others get done. Where people are stupid, and weird, and crazy, but at the same time loyal, intentional, and persistent. Islas Filipinas. Her islands, her assassins, her fighters, her fruits, her vehicles, her noises, her history, her crosses, her greyness still surround me. And they whisper, they whisper words that I can’t possibly understand but that make me smile, that make me cry, that make me feel alive. You taught me that there's only one path, kasama, and I continue to hear those words every morning.

I have been touched and I have touched deeply. I have been loved and I have loved back. I have been unfair and deceived. I have been inspired. And here I am, alone with my inspiration, without the comfort and nurture of those who held my hands in the islands. Those who thought me strong but didn’t know that my strength came from them. It is now that I face the opportunity and/or the hard task of turning my inspiration into something that can be sustained in the long term. It is now when I get closer to taking stands that will stay with me, with us, with them. It is now when it is not important anymore to be able to say the last word but rather to start a new sentence, a new thought, a new dream. Hundreds of them.

I accept that I need to do all this without you but, please, don’t fade away. So many people and places did that already, don’t follow them. Don’t fade away because doing so is forgetting and being forgotten. And lack of memory equals death. Stay by my side even in the distance, and help me tell my people who you are. Help us face our denial and learn from your mistakes and your successes.

Leaving some pictures from the past few months, I say goodbye for now. It is time to get the pieces together and start thinking about the next page. In peace, love, and solidarity, yours always.